‘Yellow Fever’
A white male Bank coworker (married to a Filipina) sent this to me.
It’s a mildly amusing student film covering one young Asian man’s quest to discover why Asian women date white men.
(Unexplored by this piece is how and why Curtmudgeon was perceived as Keanu Reeves in Japan, or why white men who date exclusively Asian women always seem a bit maybe gay-be / “giffy” (gay in five years).)
In case anyone reading this post is still in college and in need of a virtual all-knowing big sibling, I’d like to go on record as follows:
- It doesn’t matter if the arm is hairy. Furry or bald as a plucked chicken, so long as it is around our waists we will be happy. Not all women like all things (chemistry is not a science!) and if the lady you’re crushing on says things like, “Yeah, he’d be so great if it weren’t for his arm-hair situation“, then it’s not meant to be. Move on and find the honey who likes you and your follicles. And then figure out why you’re trying to buy oranges at the hardware store.
- Some Asian men have nice asses. Some white guys have no asses. I have yet to see any data correlating ethnicity to trunk junkage, although I defer to The Bootyologist for the final word.
July 26th, 2006 at 6:53 pm
No you did not go there. No you didn’t. As a licensed bootyologist, I will impart to fans of your writing my research and findings to date.
Since my research is proprietary, I am not at liberty to share my sampling methodology or my data analysis methods. The research is ongoing and not yet conclusive, but listed below are key correlations found to date:
Race- Inconclusive
Rationale - Could not control for key variables like food and the ability to obtain it.
Example, to say that all humans of African descent have gluteus maximus in larger proportions than other races is flawed due to unnatural events like famine and war, which bias the data. Additionally, natural events, like marathon running or walking 5 miles to and from the water well each day also add noise to the data. The Somalis and Kenyans skew the results for the entire African continent, so extrapolating this to every continent, I have concluded that race can not be a determining factor for ass quotient.
Location- Conclusive
Rationale- Where subjects live, according to my research, is positively correlated with gluteus maximus. I have taken ass samples in New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Dallas, Phoenix and Washington DC. The results show that New York City residents have the best posteriors in the United States. A random sample of subjects (n=120) on 34th street revealed the following
Subject Type Ass Assessment
Homeless (m) Flat (food effect)
Puerto Rican girl (w) Round
Chinese girl (w) Round*
African American(m) Round
White Ohio Tourist (m) Flatty Flabby
White Rocker Chick(f) Flat
White Aerobics Gal (f) Round
Sister from the hood(f) Round
Section 8 Sister(f) wide-n-flat
Indonesian girl(f) Round
Crack hoe Flat
West coast residents, (Phoenix and Los Angeles) sad to say, have the flattest asses in the country. While geographically, the topical terrain is deverse with peaks and valleys, the asses are just plain flat. A close second to the West Coast is Washington DC. Safe to say, Condoleeza needs to eat red beans and rice, because it missed her.
America’s heartland scores well in ass quotient, but I have conducted in depth research in those regions to determine root causes.
Directional summary of findings-
Your zip code has the greatest impact on the roundness of your ass than any other factor. If your ass is flat, you have one and only one option: MOVE.
*Yes, this is factual.
July 26th, 2006 at 8:37 pm
OK, I can’t write about this in my blog because I have too many readers. In any case, I had dinner tonight with my fake mother-in-law and it was exhausting. Whatever you do, do not find a pseudo mother-in-law.
July 31st, 2006 at 6:10 pm
Yeah it sucks, I likey the asian ladies as well. Too bad most of them like white guys.