xoxoANP

I’m pissed off!

I hate the way operations is a four letter word in the corporate world. Similarly, I hate how everyone has a raging hard-on for the word strategy. They’re pissing me off!

“Ops is a career killer”, notes my boss, while leaning over my desk and sticking her ass into the air like a ballerina in business attire. (”It’s good for morale!” — TT)

I can’t get pissed when the weatherman notes that it’s hot outside. Facts are facts. But I’m pisssed that it got this way.

Operations is seen as the red headed stepchild because line management responsibility is where it’s at. If you’re not managing a P&L, you’re destined for middle management and bad polyester suits from Dress Barn. But ops’ reputation is a function of people’s interest in title not function. Think about it. To truly optimize P&L and get shit done, you must be intimately familiar w/ops.

I loathe people who talk ot of their ass about their great idea (which I probably had last year) and yet have no idea how to execute. These people are two inches away from “running the baseline” (rant forthcoming).

The real MVPs are the people who can envision the game-winning play, diagram it out and explain it to the team, and get it done right in the amount of time left on the clock as soon as the ball is back in play. Similarly, if you can turn a fucked up shitty currogated cardboard box and some duct tape into a masterpiece you get the Most Improved trophy.

If you don’t know ops, you can’t diagram shit. And if you don’t know ops, you won’t be able to see how to take the jacked up shit you’ve been given and actually make it eke out something useful.

Operations is the lifeblood. Without ops there is no profit. Without profit there is no P&L.

Related: The hard-on for strategy.

Again, related to the interest in title more than function. This perversion is logical since our society cares more about titles and surface than what lies beneath. Look, I’m fighting my zits with powerful pharmaceuticals so I can’t pretend I’m entirely off the grid on this.

But idiots who say shit like “I’m good at strategy and the big picture and then exhibit work product that makes it evident that what they should be saying is “I couldn’t strategize my way out of a paper bag” PISS ME OFF.

Why can’t people be honest?

“I’m pretty average, but I want nice things, so please put me in a job where I do the least possible damage and don’t drag the company down.”

No, they gotta say shit like, “I’m good at defense.”

No, you’re not! You’re in terrible cardiovascular shape and you’re not on the balls of your feet! Just admit it!

“I’m not really good at all but I love to play, so put me in whenever and wherever I won’t drag the team down.”

THANK YOU! We’ll get you in when we’re up by 15, or put you on the B team where the stakes ain’t as high.

Shit! I wish people would realize:

Your self-worth is not correlated to your title or your paycheck.

Who gives a shit if it’s operations or strategy or cock-sucking. Are you helping your team out? Are you kind to yourself, and others?

Are you happy?

The ANP Awards: Strategic Operations Gods

Jeff F——– with whom I worked in my first gig out of college (what did he do after Kellogg?)
Ari P—–
Eli C—— a.k.a. “Chief”
Kari S—– More process than operations, but this woman knows process cold and knows how to get shit done.
Terrence T—–

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I’m also pissed about the irresponsible flip-flops wearing hipster who rammed his bike into the back of my car last night and then, after I asked him if he was okay, he said nothing for four minutes until I started to walk away. At which point he began to scream, “WHAT, NOT EVEN AN I’M SORRY!?!”

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I have a headache. I’m pissed off!

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Actually, I don’t really give a shit about any of this. I’m just stressed because today, the woman who gave birth to me turns 55.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 28th, 2006 at 7:01 am and is filed under The Bank. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.